he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
