How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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