The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
