I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
