Im at strip club and am horny
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
