I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
