I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
