In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
