FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
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