I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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