Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
