I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
