Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
