Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
