I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
