Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
