there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize