someone threw a dead crab at me
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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