needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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