I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
