Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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