drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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