how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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