20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
