her vagine was all disorganized.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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