I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
