i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
