every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
