I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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