I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
