By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
