you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
