I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
