I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
