I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
