Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
