I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
