i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
