he thought i was a dude.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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