Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
