Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I faked an abortion last night.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
