I love black thongs
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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