we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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