i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
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