I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
