party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
