Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
