can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
