Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
How does one acquire holy water?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
