you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
