i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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