so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
sex in a hospital.. check
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
