I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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