I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
