I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
