dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
