is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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