That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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