My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
