I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think your dad took our porno
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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