why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
