Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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