Pappa wants mamma naked
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
