Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
