i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
