You're so nebulous sometimes
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize