So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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