So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
