So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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