I'm gonna have a badass scar
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
